Those Left Behind
by ChibiKojinoda
Summary: Fuma's thoughts on life after the events in X the Movie.


Title: Those Left Behind.  
Series: X/1999 (the series).  
Author: Chibi Koji no da  
Pairing: Fuma + Kamui, Subaru + Seishiro.  
Rating: PG-13  
Warning: ANGST, AU, OOC, POV.  
  
Disclaimer: This almighty series belongs to CLAMP, not me - all hail CLAMP - Queen's of Angst (and Shonen-Ai).  
  
THOSE LEFT BEHIND.  
  
I want to die, there is nothing more in this world that I would like; but I am denied this, as I have been denied all that I ever wanted.  
  
Possesed by my fate, I wanted to enhilate all of mankind, wipe them all off the face of this planet. Instead, all I accomplished was misery, for myself and the people around me.  
  
The sad thing is, none of them blame me - I wasn't the one who chose the path I followed. Sweet, kind, gentle Kamui chose to be a Dragon of Heaven to try and save Kotori and myself; he had no idea what his decision would do to us all.  
  
Kamui and I, we were so close - to our parents we looked and acted like brothers; but to each other, we were so much more. He wasn't just a friend or brother to me, he was my lover.  
  
In those few scant weeks, before he made his fateful decision, we finally moved from being friends we made that little step into more. It happened on the night he stood under the tree in my arms, shaking like a fallen leaf.  
  
After the sword revealed its self in the shrine, and Kotori was tucked back in bed, we sat in my room on the futon and for awhile just looked at each other. I can't recall now, who made the first move, but soon we were entangeled in each others arms, kissing as if the world would end that very second - neither of us realising that for us, the end of the world was soon to arrive.  
  
When I first awoke from the control of my star, I was surprised to find a sword in my hand, and Kamui in my arms. It still seems like some hideous nightmare when I realised that Kamui was not breathing, that I had killed him. My knees gave out beneath me then, and we fell to the ground, the sword driving its self another sickening inch inside him. I remember the spray of blood that hit my face as I worked it free, it was still warm and mingled with my tears until it looked as if I was crying blood.  
  
It was then that I recalled what else I had done as the Dragon of Earth. My whole family - dead because of me and my fate. Okaasan, Otousan, and Kotori - I was directly responsible for all of their deaths. I picked up the sword and turned it on myself, but was stopped by a young man in a dirty white coat.  
  
He did not give his name, but I recalled it as Subaru - one of Kamui's seven seals. He told me that it was my duty to live; that Kamui knew what he was doing when he died, that I had been granting the deepest wishes of those around me, and my continued life, was Kamui's.  
  
Subaru told me that Kamui knew if he died, I would return to my senses and remember what I had done as his opposing star - he knew, and still he let me live, I wonder now if Kamui knew what sort of life he was condemming me to when he decided I had to be free; everyone I love is dead, and there is no one to blame but myself.  
  
I am not alone in my pain though, Subaru too has lost all of those he loved - and his pain is worse than mine. Destiny played a cruel trick on us all, we fell in love with our opposing stars and then had to kill them. Seishiro was a part of Subaru's life for longer than Kamui was a part of mine, and unlike me, who had never intended to kill Kamui - Seishiro always intended to have Subaru's life. In the end though, the unfeeling assasin lost at his own game, and fell in love with his prey; he gave his life so that Subaru could live, but not before he took Subaru's twin sister Hokuto and ensured that Subaru would never be able to move on and forget him, Subaru's pain will be with him until the day he dies.  
  
We buried Kamui under the tree on the CLAMP campus, so that he lays next to Kotori, he would want that - all he wanted was to protect us . So now he lies there, protecting Kotori, until the day I can finally join them both and we can all be reunited again.  
  
OWARI. 


End file.
